The ultimate, absolute, final, most perfect answer to “What polish should I wear?”

I won’t keep you waiting.  The answer is:  Whatever the **** you want.  (insert your favorite four-letter word here, such as heck, wine, love, darn, pink, foil, fuzz, etc.)

This is not a revelation, but I thought it bore repeating after reading about a Facebook post from an alternative clothing company called Inner Subversion.  I’ll warn you if you’re a sensitive individual subject to the vapors at the site of anything other than a housedress or a flannel nightgown, their site can be pretty wild.

Sick of all those articles online and in print about “how to dress your body” and “how to have a bikini body this summer,” this is what Inner Subversion posted:

How to dress for your shape:  Are you human-shaped?  Play up your confidence and natural sex appeal by wearing whatever the **** you want.

Life Tip:  As the weather gets warmer, continue to wear whatever the **** you want.  Flaunt everything or keep it cool under cover.  Dress to make yourself feel rad.

How to get a bikini body:  Put a bikini on your body.

Want sexy own-the-beach summer legs?  Shave, or don’t, because they’re your ******* legs.

I love it.  I.  LOVE.  IT.  The bikini part is my favorite, because I can do that!

And the same goes for nail polish.  The color and finish you should wear is the one you want to wear.  They’re your nails.  Not mine, not your spouse’s, not your kid’s, not your boyfriend’s.  Wear what you want when you want.  Gold metallic to the grocery store?  If you feel like it, why not?  Bare nails to a big party?  Sounds good to me.

I know I’m always talking about “polish for summer” or “polish for the holidays” or whatever, but that’s just because I have always had a childish fascination with the cycle of the seasons.  Every time the seasons change I get a kick out of changing and rearranging my clothes, some of my home decor, a bit of my makeup, and my polish.  That’s just me; you might think it’s a pain in the butt, which is fine.

So all you human-shaped readers out there, wear whatever the **** you want, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! 

Happy May Day!

I’m taking a break from dancing around the Maypole and picking flowers to bring you some unofficial polish news:  another summer collection coming from Essie!

It’s called “Bikini So Teeny” and here’s the set:

Now, don’t get me wrong; I love new stuff and I love choices but I’m getting burned out on hot pink and tangerine this season.  At any rate, here are the individual colors:

• Cascade Cool — medium bubblegum pink
• Fear or Desire — bright orange/tangerine
• Mojito Madness - a grass or lime green

• Off the Shoulder — hot pink
• All Tied Up — pinkish bronze
• Bikini so Teeny —  sky blue

I don’t know if they’re cremes or shimmers or frosts yet (they all look shimmery here), nor the release date.  I think the blue is especially pretty, even though I will not be wearing a bikini, teeny or otherwise, this summer.

By the way, did you ever wonder why the term “May Day” means “Help, I’m in trouble; save me!”??  One explanation is that it’s the anglicized spelling of the French, “M’aidez,” which literally means “Help me” and is pronounced “mayday.”  In case you’re ever on “Jeopardy” and need to know that.